For months I did not write this blog. During these 4 months, my body and mind  confronted complicated emotions as I worked through the effects of prostate cancer. Now that the effects of the surgery linger, and my prognosis is positive, it is time to write.   (This entry was original to another blog format, and republished.)
Someone told me, “Everyone is nice when they know you have cancer.” That observation proves true for me. Every nurse smiles, even with a needle that must be injected in my stomach.

Despite the kindness, I don’t tell everyone about my bout with prostate cancer. Ever throw a rock in a pond and watch the concentric circles when the rock splashes in the water? Family and friends make the strongest impact whereas others influence at a farther distance. Those farthest away from the center have the least at stake. Those closest have risked their love obviously.

Within a church family, the affects of friendship and caring defy norms. People I see for one or two hours a week embrace and express as though at the center of my life. Our faith draws us together with peculiar friendship and love; it is out of the ordinary.

This weekend, I planned attending the men’s retreat for our church. Realizing what it takes to maintain myself after surgery, I decided not to attend. Tonight, one of my buddies called saying, “Ray, this is Allen. We wanted to call and see how you are doing.” Allen used a speaker phone; I could hear all 27 men shouting good wishes.

Then Allen said, “We have a song for you Ray.” Twenty-seven male voices humbled me to tears. These are my special friends whom I see seldom, but who love me often.

YOU ARE MY ALL IN ALL

You are my strength when I am weak,
You are the treasure that I seek,
You are my all in all.
Seeking You as a precious jewel,
Lord to give up I’d be a fool,
You are my all in all.

Jesus, Lamb of God, worthy is Your name.
Jesus, Lamb of God, worthy is Your name.

Taking my sin, my cross, my shame,
Rising again I bless Your name,
You are my all in all.
When I fall down You pick me up,
When I am dry You fill my cup,
You are my all in all.

CCLI #1360011
Dennis Jernigan, 1991 Shepherd’s Heart Music, Inc.
YOU ARE MY ALL IN ALL
copyright

“Ok! Your surgery is scheduled for October. This cancer is slow growing, so there is no need to worry about waiting a couple of months,” says the surgeon. This sounds reasonable; so, I head back to my schedule. What bothers me is that this pending prostatectomy keeps showing up on my schedule. It steals my time, and distracts my concentration with thoughts like, “I’ve never been incontinent” and “Impotence never withered my mind”. Sitting up at 2AM thinking about the future makes nights dark and long, and that’s what I’m doing now as I discover choices to surgical removal of my prostate gland.